Belmary House Book One Page 22

  “You look at me like I’m a sea creature,” she said, rubbing her hands over her arms. “Like I’ve got fins or scales or something.”

  With a slight shake of his head, he followed her hand along her arm with his own, the barest of touches, but it sent a shockwave through her.

  “No scales,” he said, running his fingers back down to her wrist. “You’re quite soft, in fact.”

  She carefully sucked in her breath so he wouldn’t hear her gasp, or see how he affected her. She kept her face as neutral as possible while her emotions ran in every direction.

  “How are you so brave, Matilda?” he asked, dropping her wrist.

  She blinked at the turnabout. It seemed she wasn’t completely used to him yet, his odd questions and changes in direction. If it had been anyone other than Ashford, she would have sworn he was about to kiss her.

  “I don’t feel brave,” she said. “Most of the time I feel like I’m barely muddling through.”

  He shook his head harder. “That’s not how you act. You’ve been brought to another time and told you’re stuck here for three months, and even that’s dicey right now. I told you I come from witches and you nod and accept it. Keep an eye out for a dangerous madman? You barely blink. You’re brought to a Scottish farm where you don’t know anyone and you’ve not only made friends, I think you’ve made yourself quite indispensable here.”

  She had to turn away to hide how pleased his words made her. She did love it here, and everything had gone remarkably smoothly. It was completely unreal, a dream she didn’t want to end. As far as Solomon Wodge and the threat the portal might be destroyed along with the house? Well, that wasn’t bravery. Ashford just didn’t know about her miraculous gift of practicing avoidance.

  “No one knows anything about me here, and they’re kind enough to expect the best. Back home I always felt I had to live up to my father’s standards. Everyone loved him so much, and he was such a great cop. And you know when people die you always end up idealizing them. And he died pretty young, and suddenly, so it kind of felt like I was the last hope to carry on for him. And of course, I screwed it all up.” She stopped and waited for the lump in her throat to go down.

  “I’m certain no one sees it that way but you,” he told her. “You’re rather hard on yourself.”

  She laughed, having heard similar pep talks from Dex and her mother. Leaning forward to get up, she asked him if he wanted to go back inside and dance some more. She’d been having a wonderful time and didn’t want to think about sadness in the past. If he wasn’t going to kiss her, at least she could dance with him.

  “No,” he said. “I actually wanted to come out here to ask you something.” He took her hand and looked pained. “I apologize for meandering, but I’m quite smitten by you.”

  She covered her mouth with her free hand, then immediately took it away, stunned by his admission. She held her breath, waiting for the question he’d taken her to this secluded spot to ask.

  Was this a proposal? An old-fashioned, romantic proposal, and then he’d take her in his arms and gently kiss her like every period drama she’d ever seen? Her head spun so that she could barely focus on his intense face.

  “What is it, Julian?” she whispered, after he was maddeningly silent again for what seemed like a year.

  He swallowed hard. “Do you know anything about someone returning from the dead?”

  The pleasant spinning of her head came to an abrupt halt, her thoughts completely tossed in the opposite direction. She repeated his question to herself, positive that’s what he’d said, and decided there was nothing to do but just go with it.

  “You mean like Jesus?”

  “Not like Jesus,” he said exasperatedly. “A human person, unrelated to any godlike creature in any way. But, someone who has most certainly died, then came back.”

  “Do you mean like a zombie, then?”

  She had to look away from him, and shifted her gaze to the starry night sky. Her skin prickled at how serious he was, and she couldn’t reconcile herself to the fact that she was having such a conversation under this beautiful blanket of stars. He should have been kissing her, not asking nonsense questions. But her goosebumps grew, knowing that Ashford didn’t ask nonsense questions, didn’t waste his time with games of what if.

  “Zombie?” he repeated, a look of confusion on his face. “I don’t know that word.”

  “It’s what you’re describing,” she said. “The walking dead. Animated corpse.”

  “Yes,” he said, perking up. “That is exactly what I need to know about.” He frowned. “This is a common thing in your time?” He shook his head, looking revolted.

  She shrugged. “Yes, it’s very common. On television.” When he looked like he would ask what that was, she cut him off at the pass. “Like a play, but on a screen. Entertainment.”

  “Yes, I’m aware of the innovation. Such a desecration is entertaining to you?” he asked. “This is something people enjoy seeing? On television?”

  She rolled her eyes. “It’s fiction,” she said. “There’s no such thing in real life.”

  He stared at her pityingly for a moment and her heart sank. “You say it’s common in fiction in your time? Well, every idea has to come from somewhere. I’m quite certain that’s what we’re up against. I wish it had a better name, though. Zombie sounds ridiculous.”

  “I didn’t name them,” she said with a shrug.

  “How?” he demanded. “How do they, er, come back?”

  “Usually some vague virus or government experiment gone wrong.”

  He shook his head. “That can’t be right. That’s too farfetched.”

  “You come from a powerful witch family and your sister married into an even more powerful witch family and you’re acting incredulous about modern horror movies?”

  He rubbed his eyes almost violently. “You’re quite right. And I suppose it doesn’t matter how it was done. How do you kill one?” he asked, not giving her a moment to recover. “Is there any lore on putting them to rest?”

  “That’s easy. It’s always the same. Headshot.”

  “Just shoot them in the head? A regular bullet?” He furrowed his brow. “Surely a silver bullet, just in case …”

  She leaned over and gripped her knees, looking up at him. For some reason he refused to tell her this was a joke. She felt she’d done extremely well adapting to the fact that she was in 1814, but this was too much. He had to be joking. He patted her shoulder.

  “I’m very sorry, lass. But it’s real. If in fact the Povests have created such a creature, I need to put it down.”

  “But it can’t be real,” she insisted. “It’s shows and books.”

  “It’s all we have to go on. It will have to do.”

  She stood up and nodded. “It doesn’t have to be a silver bullet,” she assured him. “It doesn’t even have to be a gun. You can put a knife through its eye or the back of its head.” She reached up and rubbed the base of her skull. “You have to destroy the brain.”

  “Christ,” he said quietly, looking her up and down. “I don’t know if I’m alarmed or impressed. But if it’s what I have to do …”

  She sat back down, really more fell onto the bench. He grimly apologized, perhaps for the nature of the conversation, perhaps for the situation in general, but most definitely not for joking around. It took a moment of gripping the edge of the bench and feeling the cold stone seep through her skirts to accept what he was saying. She recalled the tombstone that stood atop an empty grave. The grieving father who never got to say goodbye to his only son.

  “That young man?” she asked. “Donal? It’s him?”

  “I think so, yes. I think they did it to get Camilla to come over to them. Perhaps they have her tricked into thinking he didn’t die at all— they could do it. She wasn’t herself, she was devastated and broken. It was probably easy to make her believe.” He stopped short and cleared his throat. “I’ll have to leave for France as soon as possible. If
nothing else, I must be sure.”

  She didn’t want him to leave again, didn’t want him to leave to hunt a zombie. A strangled noise escaped her throat as she realized she was actually worrying about him hunting a zombie. That such a thing could be real.

  Could the Povest coven have wanted control of Camilla’s power so badly that they would have, could have, brought her lover back to life and tricked her into believing there was no difference? Every instance she’d ever seen in movies, the undead were shambling, mindless, rotting creatures. Was Ashford’s sister so blind with grief that she could be fooled into thinking such a thing was someone beloved to her? And what would happen, if all this was true, and Ashford had to destroy it? There had to be a better way.

  It hit her like a static shock that there might be a better way. He could control time after all, or if not exactly control it, he could could jump around in it. She looked at him hard, studying his brooding face, scared to ask, but more scared to lose him to a French zombie hunting expedition.

  He’d been going through the portal almost half his life, certainly if changing the past was possible he would have done it already. The thought made her lightheaded. Such power couldn’t be a good thing, but she wasn’t sure she could pass up the chance to try and change things for her father. That had been something she’d tormented herself with for years, and still couldn’t help doing now and then. The useless longing only hurt her and never once brought him back. Feeling sick, she could almost see how easy it would be to trick Camilla, the desire to see her father again was so great.

  “Have you ever thought about trying to change anything? You can go back, after all.” She asked the question with trepidation.

  He sighed deeply. “My family was cursed by a witch hundreds of years ago,” he began. “My only niece was killed in a riding accident. Of course I’ve thought about it. But it can’t be done and it’s a waste of time to fret over it.”

  “How do you know it can’t be done? You’re certain of it?”

  “There are times I’ll be gone for weeks and come back to have only missed a day or two, but I’ve never been able to come back sooner than when I left. Our Miss Saito is one of only a few people I’ve known who were sent backward within their own lifetime.” He paused, looking vaguely uneasy. “The others didn’t fare well at all. I didn’t have much hope that Miss Saito would survive. But she must have stayed well away from her former self. I think that has something to do with the others’ misfortune.”

  “What happened to them?”

  “One died and one went quite mad. I took him back to his proper time, but he was never right again.” He paused, as if deciding whether or not to say more. “I think Wodge can do it, go back like that. And it’s very likely that its contributed to his madness.”

  She couldn’t help the bubble of disappointment and silently berated herself for getting her hopes up. Underneath it though, she still wondered, and had to know.

  “Could you change things for someone else, if they weren’t in your timeline?”

  “As if I don’t have enough troubles.”

  He stopped his teasing tone when he looked at her face and she knew she must look pathetically hopeful. He turned his body toward her and shook his head sadly.

  “Honestly, I don’t believe it’s possible. With all the roaming through the ages I’ve done, you’d think things would be in a constant state of upheaval, but as far as I know I don’t cause the slightest ripple. Even if one could change things, I think you’d lose something— something of your soul perhaps.” He shook his head, looking embarrassed. “Our pasts make us who we are, good or bad. We have to learn to live with them, not try to wrestle them into submission.”

  “But what if it’s unfair? Couldn’t you right a wrong?”

  “Who answers that question, Matilda? Who decides what’s right and wrong?”

  Tilly nodded, feeling an ache rising in her throat. “It’s hard to get past some things,” she said. “I’m really not as brave as you seem to think.”

  “Whatever you can’t get past,” he said, pulling her closer, “perhaps you can learn to let it be next to you. And I’ll be here on the other side to keep if from getting too much.”

  Her heartbeat thudded slowly against her bodice. She was certain if she looked down she would see it trying to break free from her chest. Instead, she looked up at Ashford to find his eyes already locked on her. She blinked but he didn’t look away. Either she drifted toward him or he leaned closer, she knew all she had to do was close her eyes and she would feel his lips press against hers. She wanted that so very badly, but was trapped in his silvery grey gaze.

  His hand moved to the side of her throat, his fingers brushing away the loose strands of hair that escaped her updo. His thumb rested just below her jaw and she lowered her gaze to his mouth. The corners quirked up slightly and as he moved closer, she could feel his soft breath near her cheek. She finally closed her eyes. Holding her breath, she waited to feel him kiss her, finally. He slid his other hand around her waist and pulled her body closer to his. Time, that dreaded thing they were constantly fighting, seemed to stand still.

  A crash came from the house as someone threw open the doors and pounded out into the garden on heavy feet.

  “Lord Ashford, come at once. Miss McPherson is quite ill,” the parson’s wife hollered in a frightened tone.

  Ashford jumped up and ran for the house. It took Tilly a moment to come back to reality, but quickly ran after him, worry erasing every last bit of euphoria she’d worked up from the near kiss.

  Kostya already directed everyone to back away and calm down, while fanning Serena, who lay on the floor. She struggled to get up, but Ashford barked for her to stay still. Tilly almost laughed to see Serena give him a look and try to stand up anyway. When she faltered, Kostya scooped her into his arms and carried her up the stairs.

  Ashford scowled and followed them, waving and bellowing for someone to find the physician. It turned out the elderly man had gone home early, so someone was dispatched to fetch him back.

  “I’m sure she’s fine,” Tilly said, as the remaining guests stared at her for answers. “She’s been working so hard on this party, and it’s pretty late. I suppose it’s time to call it a night?”

  She eventually managed to wrangle everyone out, having to practically shove the parson’s concerned wife out the door.

  A short time after that, the bleary eyed doctor returned, and Tilly led him upstairs. She peeked into the room Serena used when she stayed and saw her maid and Kostya standing around nervously while Serena sat in the middle of the bed looking put upon, but still wan and colorless.

  Ashford was nowhere to be seen, so Tilly dejectedly went to her own room and sat in front of the cold fireplace, trying to erase the disturbing conversation from her mind and struggling to repress any thoughts of Ashford touching her so tenderly and looking at her with such admiration.

  Before the whole awful zombie tangent, he’d admitted to being smitten by her. She closed her eyes and conjured his voice in her memory as he said it, feeling more despondent by the minute at the way the night had ended. Having seen Serena looking close to normal, she wasn’t too worried about her and her thoughts kept circling back to the near kiss. She was positive Ashford would come to his senses and when she saw him the next day he’d merely inform her of when he’d be departing for France, probably without looking directly at her.

  His out of the blue pronouncement that he liked her had been nothing more than an effect of the dancing, the lovely night, maybe a stress release from all the time he’d spent coming up with his undead theory. All she had to do was run out the clock here and not get hurt, physically or emotionally. She’d just have to get over her carnal cravings for the two remaining months she had here. There was plenty of needlework to be done, after all.

  A hard rap at the door made her shoot out of the chair, worried Serena might need her. She hurried to open it, drawing in a sharp breath to see Ashford standing th
ere, a slightly befuddled look on his face.

  Without a word he took her by the waist and backed her into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. His eyes searched her face and she wondered what he was looking for. She nodded slightly and he smiled, pulling her closer. He pushed her loosened hair behind her ears, fingertips lingering at her throat.

  “I haven’t the luxury of feeling things for people,” he began. “But I feel things for you.”

  She bit her lip, feeling suffocated by her heavy dress, weighted down with wanting him, to feel more of his hands on her skin. “You do?”

  He nodded, never taking his eyes from hers. “Yes. All of it bad. I worry incessantly about you. I hate when you smile at that wee fool Nick. It’s going to hurt terribly when you go back to your own time. I think it would be best if you returned to Belmary House and wait out your time there.”

  Her heart, which felt like it was up in her throat a moment before his speech, roller coastered into her stomach, and a coldness crept over her. His hands were still at the sides of her face and she forced herself to look away from him, turning her eyes down to his elaborately embellished waistcoat. He was right. It was going to hurt when she went back. It was better not to make things worse.

  “Okay,” she agreed quietly.

  He still had his hands on her and she thought she should probably pull away, but didn’t have the strength. Every second mattered if she had to go back to London. She wanted to look at his face one more time before he left, knowing the carriage would be ready for her at first light and he probably wouldn’t even come down to say goodbye. It hurt to breathe and she blamed her beloved gown, not wanting to admit to herself what it really was. She lifted her eyes and found him still looking at her, the same way he had in the ballroom. He stroked her jaw with his thumb.

  “I think I’m going to kiss you now,” he said.